Producer- Have you got a concentration camp for me?
Writer- Not just concentration camp, a DEATH camp.
Producer- Isn’t that going a little bit overboard?
Writer– Look, The Allies did a lot of horrible things during the war and have no justification unless Nazis are made to be the most cartoonishly evil people that ever lived.
Producer- Well ok, when you put it that way. How does this death camp work?
Writer– The Soviets have agreed to say 4 million Jews were murdered in Auschwitz.
Producer- Murdering 4 million while fighting a two front war sounds really hard.
Writer– It was super easy, barely an inconvenience.
Producer- Oh? How’d they do it?
W- The camps had 4 large crematoria which they will say was for sanitary body disposal but was really for housing a homicidal gas chamber.
P- Wow wow wow. What kind of gas?
W– Lucky for us they Nazis used Zyklon B, cyanide gas, to delouse clothing and other materials to save lives by curbing the spread of disease. We’re going to say it was used for murder.
P- And how does a crematorium work as a gas chamber?
W– Well you see, there were two underground rooms, the corpse cellars, in a sort of “L” configuration. 2000 Jews would go into the first room, undress then enter a small vestibule, hang a right and go through one door into the gas chamber that was roughly the size of a tennis court.
P- That doesn’t seem very easy or convenient. Where did the Nazis store the corpses that were supposed to be stored in the corpse cellars?
W– Unclear!
P- Wouldn’t cyanide gas be dangerous to use in a cellar?
W– We’ve got giant fans.
P- Would they have been enough to clear the cellar of a poisonous gas that just killed 2000 people? Are you sure the door is airtight and able to withstand 2000 panicking people? Maybe we should consult the construction specs. I heard Germans kept records of everything.
W– Listen sir, I’m going to need you to get all the way off my back about this.
P- Ok, let me get off that thing.
W– If we think something sounds like it’s going to work we’re going to go with it.
P- Fair enough. How’d you get the Jews to go into the gas chamber that where they would have literally been packed like sardines?
W– By telling them they were going to take a shower.
P- And they believed the Nazis?
W– No, of course not. That’s why we’ll say that other Jews, we’ll call them Sonderkommando, were forced to perform the killing duties. They told the Jews that there were taking a shower.
P- Wouldn’t it be better to be killed than help with the industrial murder of your ethnic kin?
W– Uhhh
P- I mean, would the Nazi have been able to murder millions of Jews without these Sonderkommando?
W– Quite frankly, you’re being antisemitic and what you’re doing right now is not only evil, but stupid and ignorant as well. You shouldn’t be allowed in civilized society with those ideas.
P- I’m sorry, I-
W– That is how we will treat anyone that asks too many questions.
P- Emotional manipulation is tight!
W– Did you have any other questions?
P- I don’t!
W– Excellent. So what do you think?
P- It’s brilliant. Can we get more than one of these death camps?
W– Absolutely! I’m on it.